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Any Excuse to Play With Friends!

A few weeks ago one of my Mommy Blogger friends, Amy, asked if I could do a review on Party Art. I checked out the website and said, OMG, this is soooo for me!!! I love having get togethers with friends and this was a great reason to do one!! Make sure to check out my review here.

And while the get together was wonderful and I had so much fun with my friends and Allie had so much fun with her friends, I realized how lucky Allie and I are to have so many wonderful people in our little circle of life.

One of the Moms said to me at some point during the party that she was envious at how easy it was for me to send an email out and get 16 people over to my house fairly quickly and with ease. She said that neither she nor her daughter really ever did much outside of their family and a few close friends. And while this little girl is a good buddy of Allie's and they get together for playdates, her Mom said to me that her daughter never really asks for playdates and she never thinks of setting them up, but when she comes to get togethers at our house, she and her daughter always love them and have a wonderful time.

That made me think about how fortunate Allie and I are to have cultivated such a rich, varied and wonderful group of friends.

I also realized that some people only need those few good friends and are not "the more the merrier" kind of people. Some people always need to be in the midst of lots of people. Allie and I both fall kind of in the middle - we have are close friends that we hold dear to our hearts, but we also have lots of friends and acquaintances and we love any reason to get together with people.

And on this wonderful Sunday where we got together with some of our Mommy/Daughter friends, I realized how that was just absolutely one of my most favorite kinds of days. Painting, eating, swimming, chatting, giggling and playing with Moms and Daughters and then ending the day with a fabulous Steak dinner with Daddy and Aunt Sue. . .

A day of food, fun, friends and family. . .and some chocolate thrown in too. My kind of heaven!

I Want My Daughter and Husband to Love ME More, NOT More of ME!!

If I had a dollar for every weight loss program I have stopped and started, I would be pretty wealthy.

If I had a dollar for every time I asked myself, "When are you going to start eating healthy and get rid of this weight?" - I would be able to afford a personal trainer and cook on a regular basis.

I started this blog to share my trials and tribulations with you as a mom and wife and as to be honest, weight is a large (ok, no laughing!) part of who I am and something clicked in me the last few weeks that I really need to start dealing with my weight and start getting healthy. While this is not going to be a weight loss blog, I am going to use this as a venue to both get support and hold myself accountable.

What is the big impetus this time that is motivating me ? Come on, for those of you who battle with weight, you know there is always a reason and/or event that springs you into action. . .and the key is to hope that while that event/reason may come and go, the motivation to get healthy says with you. . .before I get into that, let's look at my past motivations.

I remember starting diets as early as high school - I was on Weight Watchers (all the way back when they had "exchanges", not points and the only fruit you could eat for like the first week was apples, oranges & grapefruits - anyone remember that?) and I believe my mother even signed me up for Diet Center too. . .I am sure this is an exaggeration, but I remember that diet required me to weigh-in every day (I used to take my earrings off for fear they would add an ounce!) and I don't remember being allowed anything to eat other than like Wasa Crackers and a piece of fruit here and there. I don't remember having any motivation for them - I think I was just put on them. Now, I was not thin in high school, but I was definitely not obese. I have a warped memory of how much I had to lose, but it certainly wasn't a large amount.

Fast forward years and lots of pounds later to my junior year in college. I had wanted to go to Spain for the following summer or fall as an exchange student. I vividly remember my parents bribe - if you lose weight, you can go to Spain. So, they signed me up for my first of three times with Nutrisystem. I was ultimately pretty successful and lost quite a bit of weight. I actually just dug up some pictures from college and there were quite a few of me taken during that time and I was even bordering on a weight that someone could call thin. . .or certainly normal!! I'm not sure if I ever reached my goal weight or whatever happened to Spain and why I didn't go, but I can tell you that over the next year or two I had gained all my weight back that I lost.

While in law school, I joined Weight Watchers a few times and even took a stab again at Nutrisystem. ..other than successfully giving my money and time to these programs, I wasn't too successful at them. I lost a little bit here and there, but nothing substantial and whatever I lost always came back.

While I played around with trying to go on a diet before my wedding, I didn't. . .but that is okay, I still felt like a beautiful princess and loved every minute of being in my wedding dress.

Now after my wedding, my mother suggested I go on Phen Fen (back in 1995 or 1996) and boy - that was like gold to me!! Those drugs were the best invention on the planet. Without much effort at all, the weight melted off of me and I thought I had finally licked my food problem. Well, I did, until they took my drugs off the market.. .how could they??? In truth, those drugs did exactly what they were supposed to do - curb my appetite (the upper) and mentally made not care about food and do the mental gymnastics that I always do (should I eat that? should I not? should I make a better choice?) - but they didn't teach me to address the problem when I was off the drug.

So, the drug was taken away from me cold turkey and I ate my way through the next few years. I did try some other weight loss drugs, but nothing ever had the success rate that Phen Fen had for me.

Jump forward a few years later while I am trying to get pregnant. After a few years of trying, we went to a fertility specialist and while I didn't want any of us to be "the broken one" - I think I had hoped it was my husband because that was an easier fix. Well, it was me who was broken, not him. In addition to producing very very very few eggs and follicles during ovulation (some months I didn't even ovulate), it was discovered after a number of tests and a round of Super Clomid that I had Type 2 Diabetes. The plan was to wait until the Diabetes was under control before we continued with fertility treatment because having a baby with Diabetes can put you into a high risk category.

Well, guess what? I was already pregnant! We found out about a week later. .. and immediately I was put on insulin and transferred to a high risk ob and I had to test my blood 6 times a day. And guess what? I was the healthiest pregnant person around - I lost quite a bit of weight (the insulin helped tremendously with regulating my blood sugar and cravings, etc) and once again, while I was upset I had diabetes, I was happy to have found a possible reason for my weight challenges.

Thankfully my pregnancy was easy and wonderful and my daughter was born healthy with no blood sugar issues. Three months after my pregnancy, I was still pumping (my daughter never latched on, so I pumped for the first 3 - 4 months) and on insulin and losing more weight and happy as could be. Then. . .they took my insulin away. Apparently one cannot be on insulin long term when they no longer have diabetes.

Yep - go figure -when I went back to my endocrinologist, my blood sugar was no longer in the diabetic range (and hasn't been again in the last 6.5 years, despite numerous tests and eating like crap). So, once the scare of diabetes and my insulin was taken away, I headed again down the path of eating, eating and more eating.

So, over the last few years I have joined and dropped out of Weight Watchers a few times and last January I even joined Nutrisystem for the 3rd time. I did lose almost 30 pounds - but once the Jewish Holiday Passover hit (one of my fave holidays!), I fell off the diet and was never able to get motivated to get back on. . ..

So, you ask, why am I motivated now? Yes, there is the obvious reason of wanting to be healthy and living a long time for my daughter and husband. . .but come on, that reason is always there in one form or another for most of us and sadly, often that just isn't enough.

Here is my motivation - simple, yet pretty powerful.

My daughter is not embarrassed by having a Mommy who is fat (forget being politically correct and saying overweight - let's just call it what it is. . .). . .yet. And I say yet, because we all know , it will come. Her mommy will be the one wearing a skirt on the bottom of her bathing suit - whether its trendy that year or not. Her mother will be the one with her tushy always hanging over the kids' seats in the classroom. I could go on and on. . .

Last week it was pretty hot in Phoenix for March - it was in the 90s. Allie had on an adorable tank top and skirt. I was in a short-sleeved t-shirt and capris. Allie asked me why I wasn't in a tank top because it was so hot out. I fumphered some answer and she said I would be so much cooler if I wore a tank top and she wanted to go pick one out for me in my closet. I told her I didn't have any tank tops -she proceeded to dig a couple of out my drawers (I'm not sure why they are even there, because I can guarantee you with arms like mine, I don't wear them!) and told me to try it on. I tried to protest as much as I could (too old, too small, too big, etc) - finally I put it on. Allie looked at me with a really funny look and said to take it off, it looked horrible.

OMG - I am wondering and thinking about all the things going through her head about how she sees me in this tank top. Then I see her mouth opening to say more. . .god, I didn't want to hear it. What more than telling me it looked horrible did she have to say.

"Mommy", Allie says, "you should throw that away, there is a big stain on the front and that is a really yucky orange color and it just looks horrible. But here, try this purple one on, I bet that will be pretty on you. . ."

So, bottom line. I want to lose weight and hopefully look okay in a tank top BEFORE Allie knows I don't look okay in a tank top and a person with my arms should never consider wearing a tank top!

So, intermingled with my posts, I am sure I’ll be posting an update about the program and my personal weight loss successes and disappointments each week after my Weight Watchers meeting.

Oh yeah, and who is that in the picture with me? None other than Adam Pascal from Rent. Rent is my all time favorite musical (I have seen the musical 3 times and the movie countless times- I am one of those annoying people to sit next to while watching Rent because I sing/mouth all the words. . .yes, for the entire show!) and one of the most amazing gifts my hubby gave me for my 40th birthday was 3rd row tickets to Rent which we just went to last Friday. And to make the experience even more fabulous, a friend of a friend invited me to the Cast Party and I can tell you, I felt like Allie going to Disneyland for the first time - to get to meet Adam Pascal (who was just sooooo kind and warm and chatty. . . not to mention, rather hot!) and Anthony Rapp (I was always taught if you don't have something nice to say, don't say it. . .) was nothing less than FABULOUS!! I mean I got to share plates of pita bread and hummus with them. . .way cool as far as I am concerned!!

In any event, I promised myself there was not way I am going to be that large when I meet someone so famous and so hot again. . .

Hopefully this time is different and it lasts for more than a minute. . .care to join me on my journey?

Hula Hooping versus Reading. . .

I love my daughter to pieces, but an academic prowess she is not. She loves school - or rather, she loves her friends, PE, Computers (which no thanks to Jan Brewer and her education budget cuts that Allie's school won't have as a special next year!), Recess and homework (yes, homework!). Oh yes, and field trips too! And she loves raising her hand and listening to her own voice (as well as knowing others are listening too - ok, yes, she is a bit like Mommy here!). She doesn't even love lunch -because she says that takes away too much time for her recess (I am hoping that she always feels this way about food - would rather play than eat - you go girl!) - although she does love Thursday lunch because I give her extra money to get ice-cream.

Now, don't get me wrong - her reading group is the 2nd from top in the class and her report cards have all been excellent and she is testing all above grade level- but I think there is a BIG difference and jump between the top group in her class and Allie's group. And before you leave me comments in all caps, telling me to take it easy and I'm not giving her enough credit - I'm not passing any judgment - just telling it like it is. She is definitely in the top half of her class and she is bright - but she has to work for it and it doesn't come quickly or easily and, let's just say, she would rather be jump roping, hula-hooping (is that even a word?), on her trampoline or riding her scooter than reading.

As I curled up on the couch last night to try and get through the first book of the Twilight series (normally I am a fast reader, but unlike most of America I have yet to be grabbed by this book. . .but I keep promising my friends that I will finish it because they promise me that unless I am just a loser that I will love it. Well, sad to say, a loser I think I might be. . .), Allie told me that if I practice my hula-hooping more then maybe I could win a hula-hoop contest for adults like she just won that day at school for their Field Day.

I told Allie that I thought that was great and I was so proud of her, but maybe if she practiced reading more she would get better at it just like she thinks I could get better at hula-hooping. She paused, took it in, looked at me and said what I said didn't make sense because they didn't have contests at school for who was the best reader - only who was the best AT DOING SOMETHING.

And there you have it. . .maybe if they offer a blue ribbon for the fastest reader, Allie could be enticed to read more???

When You are 40, Friendships Should be Easy. . .Not Hard

I feel that I am truly blessed in that I have surrounded myself with some really wonderful and amazing friends...we laugh together, cry together, giggle together, worry together, eat together and of course - whine and vent a bit about our hubbies or kids together!!

I firmly believe that behind every good marriage is a great group of girlfriends. . .and a good therapist!! :-)

But seriously, I find some of my friends are more work than others. . .do you ever find you walk on eggshells around some of your friends? I would say 99.9% of my friends treat me and make me feel like I can be who I am and while they might have different opinions than I, they are not judgmental.

But that other teeny tiny percentage- oy! Its like I can never win. And I'm not saying that I'm perfect and they are not. I'm not even saying that they aren't warm, loving people that if I needed something I could definitely ask them and I do believe they would be there for me. But the day-to-day relationship is challenging. Sometimes even toxic (or so my other friends and therapist say). Its like oil and water - yet our kids and history perhaps keep us together and coming back for more. And I am not a letter goer - not very easily anyways. I think I allow myself to be treated poorly for awhile - or you would have to do something pretty horrific for me to call it quits (and then its probably more out of self preservation and protection than a truly healthy decision to say "if this person is going to treat me this way, I don't need this friend anymore"). My therapist says I have no boundaries. . .

Do you have friends that you feel don't really treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but for nostalgia purposes you keep them in your life as well? Or are you a lot healthier than me?

Am I Really Going to Return my Peanut Butter Zone Bars to Costco?

So, last week I bought the package of zone bars at Costco and they come with the fudge graham and peanut butter flavor. Allie doesn't like the peanut butter one (which why is that, because 3 out of 5 days during the week she always has peanut butter for lunch??), so she gives me those to keep and she gets the other ones for her to take to school for her snack. So, over the course of the last week I have eaten 5 or 6 of them. . .

Then Costco leaves me a message (which, by the way, how in the world do they know I bought those???? that will make me think twice what I buy there. . .next time I might get a call from them that says "hey lady, I think you have purchased too much unhealthy food - most people only buy one jar of chocolate covered raisins not one jar of chocolate covered raisins and another jar of jelly bellys at the same time!) telling me that zone bars are doing a voluntary recall of their peanut butter bars and I can bring it back to the store for a refund. . .

Ok - so I will admit - I momentarily panic - the thought of food poisoning freaks me out and I hate throwing up - when that happens, I revert back to a child and cry and whine and want to be taken care of. Then I think if I am going to die of food poisoning, eating a peanut butter zone bar would not be the food I chose to end my life with.. . .that is kinda depressing.

But after I express my concern all over Facebook and most everyone assures me that I would have been sick by now, I begin to get a grip and realize that I am fine.

But, I still have about half the box of Peanut Butter zone bars left - so, what to do?

Someone I work with, suggested if I am not going to want to eat them I can donate them to food bank. . .HELLO. . .if this product has any potential of making anyone sick I would never do that AND, I should donate them to a food bank so someone who can't afford food and probably doesn't have health insurance should eat them and get sick??? Won't that ultimately cost me more money than the $7 I originally spent on them at Costco as somewhere along the line you and I will be paying for that person who couldn't pay for their health care? No, not an option.

I could simply eat them? Well. .. .gotta tell you, I'm a little uncomfortable with that. I mean if someone is recalling their product, voluntarily or not, do you really intentionally eat them? Nah, plus I would not get the sympathy nod if I got sick after my own stupidity. . .totally not worth it on so many levels (and yes, I will admit it - I don't pass up the sympathy nods every now and then when they are deserved - makes me feel loved and cared for at times!).

I can return them to Costco. . .well, if I was already going to Costco, I could see doing that - but I'm not. So, as I see it, to return them to get a few dollars back (and how much will they give me back because I'm not returning the fudge graham ones that come in the same package???) will cost me much more in the long run as this is how I picture it. . .

I spend the gas money to drive to Costco (okay, not so far away, but I'm really trying to see if its worth it. . . ) when I don't have to go there, I see the return line is out the door (seems to always be that even a month after the holidays) and I groan. Allie says, "Mom, that line is soooo long - do we really have to wait? " I tell her that maybe if we go in and just look around the line will be shorter. So, I go in and how can you walk into Costco without buying something???? Even if its only a couple of items, its not stuff I planned to get or necessarily needed. . .so, we buy our few things and then we are hungry and so we buy lunch (which is the cheapest lunch on the planet - yet money I didn't need to spend) and we finally get in maybe a reasonable line to return the 5 or 6 zone bars I have left.

So, you suggest I wait to go return the zone bars when I don't have Allie - let's be honest here, I wouldn't feel like waiting in line either and I probably would go in the store myself "to kill time" to hope the line was shorter and buy things too!!

So, no, I have decided that in light of my promise to my husband to curb my unnecessary spending and the reality that returning the zone bars to Costco will end up in just that, I am opting to keep the Peanut Butter Zone Bars, but not eat them. . .until such time as the voluntary recall is lifted.

Hope they are still good by then. . .because if not, I'm out like $7!

Outta The Mouth of Babes. . .

Allie: Mommy, I want to be sisters with Malia and Sasha Obama.

Mommy Meryl: Why?

Allie: Because they got to go on a 'avenger hunt in The White House and find the Jonas Brothers in their house.

Mommy Meryl: Ahhh, pretty cool.

Allie: Yeah. I'm so glad you voted for Barack Obama. . .maybe if Daddy knew about the Jonas Brothers he would have voted for Obama too.

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When a Person Dies, Do They Still Get Older?

In Allie's six years, she has had 3 experiences with those close to her dying - 2 dogs and her paternal Grandfather. I have to say, she took those in stride - like most 2 (when our first dog, Audi died), 3 (when our 2nd dog Budi died) and 5 year olds (when her grandpa died) do. She wasn't overly sad or weepy - more matter-of-fact about it.

As she gets older, she is much more emotional about her dogs and grandpa. Out-of-the-blue, Allie will ask questions about death and dying - I'm sure typical questions that most kids ask, that most parents really have no answer to (i.e., what does it feel like to die, can you still hear and see your friends and family when you die, do you eat when you die, are there restaurants in heaven, can dead people go swimming, is it cold, etc).

My father-in-law's birthday is in October and Allie asked a simple, yet thought provoking question. Even though Grandpa is dead, does he still get older on his birthday? My initial answer, was "no, I don't think so". But then Allie said that didn't make sense. I asked her why and she told me it was because if his body was buried in the ground, his body was still there and why wouldn't it get older each year. I thought for a minute and decided how could I immediately dismiss her thinking? So, while I was silent, she asked me what I thought about what she said. I told her that it sounded good to me.

I thought it we could let it go. But no - she said, "well, is it true"? I said, I'm not sure. She then said we should ask our Rabbi because they know everything about God and "stuff". I thought that was a great idea.

Even though we have seen our rabbi lots of times since then, Allie never remembered to ask. We were at the Temple selling girl scout cookies yesterday when Allie remembered she had a question for our rabbi. After he bought his girl scout cookies, she asked him her question. And he was just as stumped as I was!

So, he tried to take a rabbinical path and discuss with Allie all the wonderful things you can do to remember a person when they die and how you can honor their memory and that it doesn't matter what the answer is, its more important to just remember and celebrate them.

Do you think Allie was satisfied with that answer? No. She wasn't interested in what he was saying - however eloquent and thoughtful and inspiring it was. She just wanted the answer to her question. We left the rabbi's office, happy that he bought girl scout cookies, but unsatisfied as she wondered who would know her answer because someone HAS to know.

So, after our stint at the Temple, Allie had her Brownies meeting and I thought all was forgotten about death and dying for the moment. Not so.

For her bedtime story, she wanted to read Saying Goodbye to Lulu by Corinee Demas (which I strongly recommend if you want a way to introduce a young child to the concept of a pet dying) - one of her preschool teachers gave her that when she was 3.5 and our dog Budi was dying of cancer. It is a beautifully written book - but a tear jerker!

I tried to steer her away from reading it last night and she asked me why and I said, "well, its just so sad - do you really want to read it now?". She said yes, that it was okay to be sad sometimes and she was really missing Budi & Audi and that book makes her feel better. So we read it and I'm trying to hide/stiffle my tears (why don't we like to let our kids see us cry?) and all of a sudden, Allie looks at me and starts crying and simply says, "that book always makes me cry - how about you?" So, then I feel soooooooooooooooooo silly for stifling my tears and I say, "yes, me too". And she says, "Then, how come I can't hear you cry?"

Wow, they don't let us get away with anything, huh?