Friday, March 13, 2009

When You are 40, Friendships Should be Easy. . .Not Hard

I feel that I am truly blessed in that I have surrounded myself with some really wonderful and amazing friends...we laugh together, cry together, giggle together, worry together, eat together and of course - whine and vent a bit about our hubbies or kids together!!

I firmly believe that behind every good marriage is a great group of girlfriends. . .and a good therapist!! :-)

But seriously, I find some of my friends are more work than others. . .do you ever find you walk on eggshells around some of your friends? I would say 99.9% of my friends treat me and make me feel like I can be who I am and while they might have different opinions than I, they are not judgmental.

But that other teeny tiny percentage- oy! Its like I can never win. And I'm not saying that I'm perfect and they are not. I'm not even saying that they aren't warm, loving people that if I needed something I could definitely ask them and I do believe they would be there for me. But the day-to-day relationship is challenging. Sometimes even toxic (or so my other friends and therapist say). Its like oil and water - yet our kids and history perhaps keep us together and coming back for more. And I am not a letter goer - not very easily anyways. I think I allow myself to be treated poorly for awhile - or you would have to do something pretty horrific for me to call it quits (and then its probably more out of self preservation and protection than a truly healthy decision to say "if this person is going to treat me this way, I don't need this friend anymore"). My therapist says I have no boundaries. . .

Do you have friends that you feel don't really treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but for nostalgia purposes you keep them in your life as well? Or are you a lot healthier than me?

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Anonymous said...

I know it can be hard to let go, especially if you have a long history. But if these "friends" are making you feel poorly about yourself or you feel like you can't be your honest self around them, they are not your friends.

You only need a few true friends. Hold tight to them!

(of course, don't forget about all your online friends!)

Anonymous said...

I have one of those friends who is very sensitive. She struggled with infertility before we did. She had her twins after we did. I've tried to get in touch with her to get together, but she hasn't responded. Although it bums me out, I've decided that I don't have time to chase down a friend. I'm all about friendships being easy and reciprocal.

It's much harder though, when you have a history and your children are friends.

My Vision said...

I went to a therapist over a year, she used to live real close to you, named Myrna. One of the biggest best influences on my life, one of the best things I've ever done.